What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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