i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
