You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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