her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
