so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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