Michael Bay diarrhea
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How's work?
Spinning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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