What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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