how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize