I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
