im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
