The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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