We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
