Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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