You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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