I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
