Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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