I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
