She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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