he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
