I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize