kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Congratulations! We have a period
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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