Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
