apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
