Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
