Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
