How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
