he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
