Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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