You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
