drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
