I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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