So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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