Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
