i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
