Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
