batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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