I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
