THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
