I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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