A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
