i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
