; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
