I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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