it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sorry about my life...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
