I love black thongs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize