4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
