I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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