Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
