I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
