just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
