Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
