Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
