honey bunches of taint.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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