i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
