the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So vagazzling was a success
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
