Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
