Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
