i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
