I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
