His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
