I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
