Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
