I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
