put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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