I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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