my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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