Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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