Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
