umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
