when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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