Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
