wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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