Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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