can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
