halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A+ Viking dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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